AN ODE TO THE HOUR

I stumbled upon a dimly lit space filled with women and smoke dancing in the air to the Portishead that served as their background music. The room embraced me as I gladly accepted an offer to sit with them, write my fears down and throw them in their discussion bowl. How I went from a boozy day party to a women’s pow-wow is all thanks to my wandering, inquisitive nature and diverse sets of friends. Think about how much time we’ve spent in our lifetimes. The hour I spent voicing my thoughts, listening to their experiences, taking in their suggestions and feeding off of their energies is probably one of my favorite hours ever.

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For lack of words to describe that night, I’ll call this an ode to the hour. This is an ode to the hour I spent with a group of beautiful, intelligent, strong Latina women that assured me that basically…it’s okay. It’s okay to come to harsh realizations. That’s what life is about after all, right? Realizing and actualizing. The things that were said in that room weren’t things I didn’t already know, but hearing them fall from the lips of people I had just met spoke volumes to me. We’re always so stuck on our problems being just OUR problems that we forget that we’re not alone. Being surrounded by a group of people that resonated with my expressions of fear and self-doubt was extremely comforting. More so it opened mental doors I keep shut for lack of belief - Belief in my talents, belief in my worth and just overall belief in myself.

I sat on the floor, legs crossed, doe-eyed, mouth salivating with truth. With every sentence, I felt more OKAY. Okay to come to the realization that I AM worthy of everything that I want for all aspects of my life.

I am worthy of the creative career, but I have to exert true passion in all of my projects. “Who are you doing it for? You have to do it for you.” Words I’ll never forget. I have to create for me. Being constantly stuck in a whirlwind of wanting to be accepted has fabricated a filter for everything I put forward. The journey to find my voice is a rough one, but I am worth more than having to dilute my work for acceptance.

I am worthy of the man, but I have to see past potential. We fall so hard for the idea of someone, putting us at a loss when they show us their true colors. Be assertive in your needs. Stand your ground against anything you do not accept. Take no bullshit. You deserve it. I’m worth more than having to carry someone’s load when they’re not willing and able to carry mine. I’m worthy of being with someone that is completely entrenched in me. Someone who is addicted to my mind, body and spirit. Someone’s true need for every last bit of who I am. Someone who is proud to build with me and not just happy to have me. Everyone is deserving of more than just a human figment of their imagination. Everyone is deserving of true love.

“I love myself, but I don’t think I’m IN love with myself.” Eye-opening. I am worthy of being infatuated with myself. I have an incessant urge to actively love the people in my life - why shouldn’t I exert the same energy on myself? Learning to love yourself creates a domino effect on your life. The way you walk, talk, eat, dress and the things and people you attract. I can do it. I can be love personified. I can truly believe that my gifts are amazing enough to share with the world - Unfiltered and undiluted. I am worthy of loving me completely.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So much so that I have the phrase tattooed on my right foot. That night? A case of right place, right time. That hour changed my perspective in ways that I am eternally grateful for. The words spoken have turned into my life’s affirmations and I will carry them with me every step of my journey.

Do better to be better. You are deserving of it.