A LETTER TO 2014
You crazy motherf*cker, you.
I could inscribe this letter with complaints about how harsh you’ve been, but instead I’ll do what I do best - show my gratitude. Besides…complaining would mean I’m dissatisfied with the way my life has turned out. I may be exhausted, but not displeased.
So thank you…
…For listening to me when I spoke my only resolution into existence. I wanted to be fearless, and as if my lips were pressed upon your ear, you began to throw balls of fire at me within a week. Weeks turned into months and before I knew it I was bobbing and weaving situations people only pray to be protected from. (A letter wouldn’t be a letter from me without a little sarcasm.)
You’ve taught me that the universe, who is moody and has a quirky sense of humor, is always listening. It’s always watching. It’s always appraising the worth of your efforts and timing it’s response. It is because of this that I’ve learned to be cautious with myself. My words, my actions and even my thoughts. Everything is immediately sewn into the tapestry of life. Coverable, mendable, but never erasable.
Thank you for reminding me that I house the strength and resilience of the women from the Anacaona. I’ve exhaled and prevailed more times this year alone than Nas has written songs. Last week I referred to a friend of mine as wise and he replied, “You know how you become wise? You do a lot of dumb shit.” You’ve served as a shining emblem of timelessness. Bad decisions are timeless. Mistakes are timeless. Stupidity is timeless. I have my zeal for fearlessness to thank for experiencing all three of these and their recurring consequences this year. Yet here I am. Sore and bruised, but ready for anything.
Thank you for aiding in the growth spurt of my emotional maturity. I’ve accepted heartbreak, disappointment, rejection, ridicule and embarrassment more effectively than I ever have, or ever thought I could. It’s not to say that I haven’t spent days as an ice-cream devouring, weeping recluse, but I’ve developed into the young woman my mother always wanted me to be. Mindful. Assertive. Collected. Optimistic.
While watching others be broken by their problems I decided that I would rather be molded by mine.
Thank you for allowing my fearlessness to put me in the path of the people I’ve met this year. People that have been kind. That have helped me. That have harmed me. That have taught me. That have loved me. Whether they carry into the new year or not, everyone I’ve encountered this year has played an essential part in my 365 part evolution.
As I turned 25 in June, I was told by many that this is the year that you throw most of the things you thought you knew out the window and keep the very few essentials that will help you survive your late twenties. I smiled every time. Not because I thought it was funny, but because the thought of disposing of anything terrified me. It didn’t take much time for me to realize that I am a hoarder. A hoarder of ideas, characters, pain and fear.
Thanks to you, I’ve been forced to incinerate some of these. On December 31st, 2014, I couldn’t be happier. I’ve never felt freer.
Congratulations on your impact. Not only on me, but on so many.
I can’t say that I’ll miss you, but you will surely never be forgotten.
An ode to you, 2014.